One of the worst leadership habits is that of failing to give team members the attention they deserve by not effectively listening to them.
It’s not just downright rude! Ignoring your team ultimately communicates to them that their views, expertise or feelings are insignificant and not worthy of your attention.
This is not necessarily a deliberate act of ignoring your team members. It’s a much more subtle, insidious habit that creeps in, as leaders come under pressure with increased workload, deadlines looming, mistakes happening; all taking the leader’s focus away from the team members. Little by little you stop listening.
Do you do it?
Not listening to people may be more prevalent than you think. How many of the following examples have you witnessed yourself doing?
- Interrupting someone in mid-sentence to correct them, to disagree with them or to finish the sentence for them.
- Cutting across someone with noises of disapproval.
- Jumping in with ‘No’ or ‘But’.
- Impatiently waiting for someone to finish talking so that you can jump in with your own point of view.
- Presenting body language that says, ‘Please finish – and quickly’, or making disapproving facial expressions.
- Projecting stereotypical expectations onto the person talking.
- Spending the whole time someone is talking to you with your mind on other things like;
- considering what you want to say
- thinking about your next meeting
- day-dreaming about something else completely
- scanning the room
- checking notes, phone or laptop
If you are doing these things, you are not listening. Not really listening.
The Impact of not listening
I don’t really need to describe the negative impact of not being listened to, if I simply ask you how you felt when someone behaved towards you in this way. What about when that person was your boss or someone else you looked to for validation and approval.
By not listening we stifle motivation, creative thinking and confidence, which can lead our team to withdraw and stop sharing altogether. Ultimately, it will start a downward spiral of lost motivation, decreased engagement and, potentially, resignation.
If we reflect for a moment, we can all find examples of times we have ignored those we really need to be paying attention to (this goes for at home too!).
I have witnessed this behaviour from senior leaders myself, and it’s not usually deliberate. They just weren’t aware of the impact it has on others. After all, around 60% of managers have had no formal training, and of those how many have studied this aspect team management?
I have also witnessed absolute superstars at listening. I remember every single one of them fondly. I wanted to perform for them, and I wanted to help them succeed even when the going got tough. Good listening skills are truly an advantage and a skill worth nurturing.
The good news
The good news is that good listening skills can be developed, and you could be the leader that everyone loves to communicate with. Your teams will become truly empowered and you will develop a vast network of people that want to spend time with you.
To cultivate the skill of listening, here are a few tips to try out:-
- maintain regular eye contact
- smile and use open body language
- avoid anticipating what is about to be said (even unconsciously)
- ignore the compulsion to interrupt in order to defend or justify yourself
- keep an open mind (quiet the part of your brain that says it won’t work, or its wrong)
- let go of the ego – you have nothing to prove here
- breathe – and continue breathing deeply to help you maintain your equilibrium.
And you don’t need to agree with what is being said. Simply acknowledge them for taking the time to share. And say, thank you!
Guess what? It really isn’t important if the idea isn’t going to work or is just plain wrong or costs too much money or any of those other alarms that could be going off in your head. They will come to that conclusion for themselves, if you give them the space to develop the ideas.
Each time you feel like cutting in, ask yourself, “is it worth it?” Is that thing I feel compelled to say really adding value and is it elevating the other person in this conversation?
Your main purpose is to listen! Make that person feel valued and that they have a role in moving the organisation forward.
It will take practice to really ‘be present’, and listening in this way, but you will get so much payback. And you know what? It feels great for both parties; even generating that dopamine hit!
What if you were that leader that everyone gravitated towards?
What if your team relished the chance to share their ideas with you?What if they wanted to help you succeed?
And what if your team’s motivation stood out from the rest?
When is the next opportunity you have to try this out and what do you have to lose by trying?
Coaching as a solution
Coaching can help you and your leaders develop this skill. Contact us to find out how.
